Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
