Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
