I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
