We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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