I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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