i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
