i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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