The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
