i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
