i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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