I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
