Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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