U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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