you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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