I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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