Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
