i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
