Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
