I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
