I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
