omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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