you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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