I'm sorry my penis didn't work
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Randomize
