Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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