Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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