Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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