shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
