Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
