I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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