yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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