She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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