Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
