This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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