I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
