I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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