I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
