We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
