How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
