Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
