Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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