Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
