Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
