I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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