Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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