I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
