i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
