She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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