there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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