She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
