better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
