I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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