Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
