Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
