I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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