do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
